Yesterday there was discussion about friends not being faithful and one should never allow friends to be very close. I differ with this. I love to be with friends.
The basic problem with friendship is what zoologists call the 'territorial imperative'.
Have you watched birds sitting on telegraph wires? They always sit a certain distance from each other. There is an invisible line, a demarcation beyond which it becomes a trespass. Sometimes you may have seen that a cat is Lying down, resting, relaxing. You pass by and she is not at all disturbed. When you start coming closer there is a certain point beyond which she will become alert, angry, annoyed, ready for fight or flight. But up to that certain point she will not take any note of you. That is her space.
Each animal has his own space -- that is his territory. If you enter that territory, you are trespassing. You are dangerous and the concerned person, animal, man or woman, becomes defensive, gets ready for fight or flight.
That is the whole problem of friendship, because in friendship the distance has to be dropped. You have to allow others to trespass your being. That's the problem. It is a very subtle boundary.
Man has learned that too -- how to allow somebody physically near and yet psychologically far away. Man has learned it, because in many situations.. .. In a train it is too crowded and people are sitting touching you and you cannot fight -- there is no point -- but you stand shrunken in deep down. The body may be touching, but you don't allow psychological closeness.
So humanity has learned how to allow people physically close but not to allow them psychologically. But friendship is to allow people psychologically close to you. Friendship means dropping the territorial boundary. That invisible line has to disappear, hence fear arises, because it is our animal heritage. That's why, once you are in a love with friends, you go beyond animal heritage. For the first time you become human, really human.
If you really want to live rich, fulfilled, tremendously vibrant, then there is no other way. The only way is to make more and more contact with people. Allow more and more people to trespass your being, allow more and more people to enter you. There are risks, because when you allow people too close to you, there is a possibility that they may hurt you. One becomes vulnerable, soft, tender.
So one can be hurt -- but that risk has to be taken. It is worth it. Even if you protect yourself for your whole life and nobody is allowed near you, what is the point of your being alive? You will be dead before you are dead. You would not have lived at all. It would be as if you had never existed, because there is no other life than relationship. So the risk has to be taken.
Sometimes people may hurt you. I'm not saying that they will not -- but even that hurt will teach you something. You will learn something from it -- about People, about yourself, about fear, about love. You will grow through it. So, pain can be used as growth; there is no problem in it. Even if you are hurt, you can use it as a lesson, as a deep understanding. It will make you more mature.
But all are not going to hurt you. A few may hurt you, a few may give you tremendous joy. And this is my understanding -- that even if one person gives you tremendous joy and ninety-nine percent of people hurt you, then too it is worth it. Even if there is one roseflower on the bush and ninety-nine thorns, it is worth it. One has to take the risk and love the roseflower.
Today open up to your friends.
(taken from noble thoughts)
